What I Think About Love

Posted: August 9, 2013 by joshwinadrian in Uncategorized

Thought Catalog

The first experience of love for most of us is from our parents. I am no different. I always knew that I was loved as a child by the people I call “Mum” and “Dad.” I was also brought into the world with three older brothers as siblings. And no doubt, even as a child, I knew that my brothers loved me very much. They always made a fuss over me and they are part of the reason that growing up, I felt very spoiled with love. But I think the first real lesson I learned about how to give love and not just receive love was the day I became a big sister.

Thirteen years later, my favorite memory and the best day of my life is still the day my sister was born. I will never forget the feeling of that moment of looking at her for the…

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Gamble.

Posted: August 3, 2013 by joshwinadrian in Uncategorized

Life is a Gamble.

 

A quote we always say, but I think Life is more than that. It’s a Casino. The reason is, you can encounter different types of gamble in life. And its with a saying of you win some, you lose some. Yeah, life is like that in different aspects, love, financial, academics, career, or any of the sorts. What I’m saying is, I am a gambler, we are all a gambler. And there are things I practically lost and practically won by taking risks in life. There comes a time to every human being, that we stop gambling, stop taking risk and playing it safe. I, as well, stop taking risks. Taking risks for me before always gives me pain. So I quit it. 

 

Then there was you. Something about you makes me want to take risks again, but I think I hate that wager. To lose you completely or to have you all to myself. That’s a wager even I can’t decide the faith. But every time I see you, or even talk to you. My heart thumps in a weird way. I realized I lost the ways of being a hopeless romantic idiot. But, I’m remembering it again with you. I know you’re saving me the trouble of getting hurt, or even hurting you. I know I’m a guy that can’t be trusted. A guy who can vanish in an instant when responsibility calls. A guy who flirts around. A guy who can easily manipulate any woman he wants. But somehow, through this unwavering thoughts of mine, if its you.. I can change. If its you. I can. Maybe there’s something in you that’s why it never worked out with anyone else. “Maybe I don’t want to be saved the trouble. Maybe I want the trouble. I haven’t wanted the trouble in a long time but with you, the trouble doesn’t seem so.. troubling. I don’t know, I thought.. I guess you felt the same way.” -Barney (season 4, episode 24) I really get how Barney feels here. And I guess the one I thought you were, wasn’t really you. But the one Barney is talking to in that conversation.

I always play safe, I guess it’s time to stop playing safe,and start taking risks again.

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The only question now that we have to ask ourselves, “Why are you so afraid of giving this a chance?”

Not-A-Father’s-Day

Posted: June 18, 2013 by joshwinadrian in Uncategorized

Life From the Nosebleeds

With yesterday being Father’s Day, there are some of us who surely had felt left out… and other’s who couldn’t be happier that we have dodged the bullet this long! I am proud to be in this group *knock on wood*. I have said for a long time that my 20s are for me, and when I hit 30 I will get married and settle down and have kids. I almost settled down once, and it would have been the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. So, for all my dudes who are in the same boat as me, and heck, even ladies, I say to you: Happy Not-A-Father’s-Day!

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Don’t get me wrong, I’m looking forward to being a father someday. I just have a lot of goals I would like to accomplish and some dreams I’d still like to chase until that happens. So, fellas, until you are absolutely…

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Yellow Umbrella.

Posted: June 14, 2013 by joshwinadrian in Uncategorized
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Kids, let me tell you the story of the yellow umbrella. The yellow umbrella was the most significant tool in the series called “How I met your mother.” In year 2005, this series was aired and it is about a man telling his children of how he met their mother. Basically the title says it all. It’s a love story in reverse, made by flashbacks and relapses. And for me, the yellow umbrella was the most important of all. The factor that made me love this series at first was this guy named Ted Mosby. This guy believed in destiny, universe’s own will, signs, signals, anything about love or about “The one.” Before, I was a believer in destiny, a full head over heels hopeless romantic. But as time progresses, I lost faith in all of it. And at the same time, so is Ted. That’s why I changed my way of thinking, I started thinking like Barney Stinson. Barney was the ultimate bro, playboy, laser tag player, and a well suited man. He was my ideal. Suits, money, girls. But as I focus on his character, I realized that way of living was wrong. He had hurt so much women, that he deserves to be unloved. But he found one, and He’s going to marry her. As I look back on Ted, even though he doesn’t admit it. He wants to be like Barney, but he can’t because deep down, somewhere in his heart, he still believes. And that is one thing to admire so much about. The moment he had completely gone faithless in all of this pursuit for the one, he had found her. 

 

So what’s the deal about the yellow umbrella? For me, it served as the only sign left for Ted  to hold on and to believe that someday he will find the one. Ironically, he didn’t give much attention to the yellow umbrella which was own by the mother of his children.

 

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Yes, maybe I found her, but it’s too early to tell. I even bought myself a yellow umbrella, and this umbrella gave me something special to thank about. I want to remain vague here because I don’t want to jinx here, but I feel there’s a connection. This yellow umbrella, like Ted, gave me the strength to believe again. Someday, we’ll see. Just take it slow and go with the flow. That’s the only way to do it. What ever this is. Whatever happens, I’ll be doing my best, so universe, I will start believing in you again. The Universe, signs, and even acts of God which happened just recently. Whatever this is, I’m not backing up.

My Robin

Posted: June 8, 2013 by joshwinadrian in Uncategorized

I vouch for you, buddy. Do your best!

Life From the Nosebleeds

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Fair warning: This blog involves themes of, once again, How I Met Your Mother. If that’s something you don’t like, then you will probably not like most of my blogs. I write about themes from HIMYM so much because I can relate to the show and the main character, Ted Mosby, so well. Everyone who is a fan of the show knows from the first episode that he instantly falls in love with a reporter for New York News 1. And many of us want them to end up together, although we find out pretty early on that they don’t when future Ted refers to her as “aunt Robin”. Regardless, their epic saga is still one for the history books. 

Ted made the infamous and hilarious mistake of telling Robin he loves her after their first date (a decidedly Elliott thing to do). That was just wayyyyy too much…

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The Right And Wrong Ways To Break Up

Posted: June 8, 2013 by Thought Catalog in Uncategorized

I found this very true when going through a break up.

Thought Catalog

The universal feeling when going through a breakup, to use internet speak, is FML. You’re typically going to walk around with “FML” tatted all over your face for a good week/month/ten years.

fuck my life

Breaking up can feel like eating shit while recklessly speeding in a golf cart.

golf cart fail

Or it can feel like getting smacked in the face while doing some kind of hang-glide thing?

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It’s tempting to get really angry at the other person. After all, they have just ripped a large ass carpet out from under you and now you might have to go on OkCupid dates with strangers.

you know what? FUCK YOU

You might want to try and get the upper hand by acting like you don’t care.

fuck you middle finger

You might feel like going insane and strangling someone (or hunting them down and murdering them with an axe, everyone’s different).

creepy the shining gif killing sig other

You might feel like being a big weepy self-pity puddle for a while.

man upset about breakup

You…

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Timing.

Posted: June 8, 2013 by joshwinadrian in Uncategorized

“..to tell you how I feel about you. I know we didn’t work out  the first time and I know it doesn’t make any sense but I can’t shake the feeling that we belong together. Is there any part of you that wants to try again?” -Robin, How I met Your Mother Season 7, Episode 1.

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The only relationship I regret losing was from my 1st girlfriend. Her name was Erielle. She was the most loving, most caring, most understanding woman of all. My family even love her, but because we’re too young then, the family was against it. It was my first relationship. And it became a serious one as well. We started out as text mates, comforting each other, making each other laugh, and since I was a bit down then, She was the one reason, I was able to smile and be happy again. I was really happy with her, honest. She love me so much, she care for me, she even makes sweet treats just for me. She never forgets our monthsary, she never gets tired of talking to me on the phone, I mean we talk for 3-4 hours a day. She give me these amazing presents, letters, A real keeper. And I screwed it all up. We love each other very much. And I thought it was forever.(All of us do when we’re in a relationship) I guess when college came and we suffer from a long distance relationship, I got cold and made her suffer because of that. So I ended it a few days before our anniversary.(I know, I’m a real stupid asshole.) At first it was alright, but now, as I reminisce our time together before, I can’t help but regret it and want it back. There are many times I want to shake this feeling, but I can’t. I can’t get her back for one, She deserves someone better than me, someone that can really love her and not leave her or hurt her like I did. And second, I made a promise to her friends that I won’t get her back because I always end up hurting her. Sometimes, I think of getting her back, but one thought stops me from doing that. Going back with your ex is a mistake, you may think it’s not a mistake but it is. You don’t go back to your past because it’s familiar. It’s tempting at times, but it’s a mistake. I know that EJ and I have this wonderful chemistry going on between us before, I don’t know if it’s like Barney and Robin in How I met your mother, But it was a wonderful chemistry. The only problem was, our timing was off. What if, we got together now and not then, would things be different?

Now I’m 20, I’m not a teen anymore, I’m an adult. Not a teenage boy, but a man. I have to realize sooner or later that, what EJ and I have then, it’s long gone now, and whatever happens, I don’t think I can get it back anymore. and I have to live with that. It’s time to close the door for every possibility in my mind that we wind up with each other. I think she may well be my Victoria. It’s a How I Met Your Mother reference, look it up. I’m jubilant that my former paramour is jubilant. and if my former paramour discovered a better paramour than her former paramour, then I would support the cause and be jubilant that my former paramour is finally jubilant.

If you ever read this, Hi. Can we start over? as friends? I know I’m a jackass but I wish we could talk again, just like old times. let’s be friends, that’s all I want, I hope you say yes. But if it’s a no, then I understand.

Rock n’ Roll.

Posted: June 1, 2013 by joshwinadrian in Uncategorized
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Two words: FUCKING EPIC! 

It follows a story about a small town girl making her way to L.A. to find love. Inspired by “The bourbon room” a holy ground for rockers in the time of 1987. She and her new found companions take a stand for the power of Rock against the people of L.A. headed by the wife of the mayor of L.A.. It’s funny, romantic, awesome and full of shocking moments that will really electrify your soul.

I really like this movie because: 1. They are a musical but they chose a good variety of songs from the 70’s-90’s; 2. Unique plot.  3. The characters and their twist are really great.

I recommend it to everyone who enjoy music from the old times. They mean better, they pierce through your soul more than any modern song found in our century.

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Locked.

Posted: May 23, 2013 by joshwinadrian in Uncategorized
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For the past months, I have bottled every issue I’m avoiding. I have turned my backs to some people that had been once a part of mine.

But I’m removing all of these shackles, it’s time to look forward and face front. No more turning back. Improvement will happen if you want it to happen. And I really want it. I’m gonna improve myself, I’m gonna solve every issue I have, and become a man who can make decisions that he can never regret.

And I will not abandon my friends anymore, I have done that a lot of times, and I am ashamed of it. But that will end now.

I made a pact with myself that, I’m not gonna turn my back from my friends, even if they turn theirs to me. I’ll treasure them from the bottom of my heart from now on.

I’ve been a shitty friend lately, I guess. I’m gonna change all that. Seriously.

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Thank you for the most amazing memories. For two decades, I have been happy because of you guys. I’ll cherish it.

As I turn 20 this June 5. I’ll start anew. And hoping to create more memories with you guys. I won’t go back on my word.

Keep moving forward. That’s the only way we have to live.

Wake up Call.

Posted: May 17, 2013 by joshwinadrian in Uncategorized

All of my friends, High school buddies and other classmates had started graduating this summer, and I’m here still on my 4th year level. With 2 years of College left for me.  I’m not regretting this, cause I found some good friends along the way, it’s just that. What have I been doing in my life until now?

I was actually boggled by that question because of two or three more facts: (1) I have a fine body before, yeah, I really do. I can show off without having to worry about people looking at my body because it’s fine. But now, it’s like WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? I mean, I’m not conscious over my body, but I feel like I neglected it and let it be turn into this: Just a big circular thingy around my waist. Because of this, I had let go of many opportunities I have the right to have. I know I’m young, so I guess it’s not too late for me yet, but I can’t shake the feeling of discouragement. Even when I’m in the gym, I could feel all my remorse every time I pump weights, like when I see a guy with a good build I ask myself: “I wonder how much effort he put to get that body?” Frustrating. Pathetic, right? Well, it’s just me. ; (2) The many of them graduating thing. As I have said, many of my former classmates are now graduating and will now start their careers which many of which will progress to a successful tomorrow, and then there’s me. I’m still in my 4th year college, I know I’m taking up a really good course and the opportunities are endless, but still, I’m a 4th year college student. I wasted a year of my college life and now, I’m paying for the loss. I could have done so much in these years I lost. A lot.; (3)  They all look they had accomplished a very important part of their life and me, I’m here, Blogging. Stalking the Net. Doing crazy stuff as always. 

 

But as I have said, it’s not yet over for me. I’m still young, I can still do this. I have regretted these actions because of my own ridiculous way of living, but never for the people I met, the path I chose, the knowledge I gained. I am truly thankful for those. I remorse all those times wasted, but I guess, as I had heard in one movie, Time wasted isn’t time lost. We choose every moment we have because we want to. We never choose things half-assed. We choose to want it, we choose to regret what we want. That is all.I chose those moments, I may regret them now, but I chose them, it was all fun, I may have wasted some time, but because of those times I lost, I learned something. I learn the value of time, effort, and discipline. That there are no regrets and lessons learned. I am ready to face these new challenges in life, but not with a new upgrade.

 

I’m turning 20 this coming June. I’m not a teen anymore. I’m an adult. I have to start acting like one soon. It’s a gradual change, but at least I’m trying. This is my wake up call. I need to discipline myself. Learn self-control. Learn the right path. There are no more procrastination at this point in time. I have to start taking my future seriously if I want to have a good and successful one. I need to be healthy again. Be in shape. Be in good condition, because war is coming. and this will be some new hard core challenges. I need to discipline myself, my actions, my thoughts. No more slouching or just lazying around at home. It’s time to get things done. I hope my friends won’t take this seriously, but I have to seclude myself and start trusting on my own abilities. I have to lessen the quality time and start focusing myself to graduate. From now on, I’m aiming for the top. It will be a new and upgraded version of myself. Everything from here on out, every decision, is in my hands. Not with anyone else. 

 

So I guess, before I became 20 and all that, I need to enjoy the last moments I have as a 19-year old teen even though I’ll be changing things around me gradually. Truth is, I am happy, and I am willingly doing this for myself. It’s a matter of responsibility and a matter of self-improvement, so please respect my decisions. From now on, it’s version 2.0. Bringing my past self won’t do me any good anymore.

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Soon.