Timing.

Posted: June 8, 2013 by joshwinadrian in Uncategorized

“..to tell you how I feel about you. I know we didn’t work out  the first time and I know it doesn’t make any sense but I can’t shake the feeling that we belong together. Is there any part of you that wants to try again?” -Robin, How I met Your Mother Season 7, Episode 1.

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The only relationship I regret losing was from my 1st girlfriend. Her name was Erielle. She was the most loving, most caring, most understanding woman of all. My family even love her, but because we’re too young then, the family was against it. It was my first relationship. And it became a serious one as well. We started out as text mates, comforting each other, making each other laugh, and since I was a bit down then, She was the one reason, I was able to smile and be happy again. I was really happy with her, honest. She love me so much, she care for me, she even makes sweet treats just for me. She never forgets our monthsary, she never gets tired of talking to me on the phone, I mean we talk for 3-4 hours a day. She give me these amazing presents, letters, A real keeper. And I screwed it all up. We love each other very much. And I thought it was forever.(All of us do when we’re in a relationship) I guess when college came and we suffer from a long distance relationship, I got cold and made her suffer because of that. So I ended it a few days before our anniversary.(I know, I’m a real stupid asshole.) At first it was alright, but now, as I reminisce our time together before, I can’t help but regret it and want it back. There are many times I want to shake this feeling, but I can’t. I can’t get her back for one, She deserves someone better than me, someone that can really love her and not leave her or hurt her like I did. And second, I made a promise to her friends that I won’t get her back because I always end up hurting her. Sometimes, I think of getting her back, but one thought stops me from doing that. Going back with your ex is a mistake, you may think it’s not a mistake but it is. You don’t go back to your past because it’s familiar. It’s tempting at times, but it’s a mistake. I know that EJ and I have this wonderful chemistry going on between us before, I don’t know if it’s like Barney and Robin in How I met your mother, But it was a wonderful chemistry. The only problem was, our timing was off. What if, we got together now and not then, would things be different?

Now I’m 20, I’m not a teen anymore, I’m an adult. Not a teenage boy, but a man. I have to realize sooner or later that, what EJ and I have then, it’s long gone now, and whatever happens, I don’t think I can get it back anymore. and I have to live with that. It’s time to close the door for every possibility in my mind that we wind up with each other. I think she may well be my Victoria. It’s a How I Met Your Mother reference, look it up. I’m jubilant that my former paramour is jubilant. and if my former paramour discovered a better paramour than her former paramour, then I would support the cause and be jubilant that my former paramour is finally jubilant.

If you ever read this, Hi. Can we start over? as friends? I know I’m a jackass but I wish we could talk again, just like old times. let’s be friends, that’s all I want, I hope you say yes. But if it’s a no, then I understand.

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